To put it simply, these past few weeks have just sucked. My husband and I have had this constant dark cloud over both of our heads, and I find myself walking on eggshells each day just waiting for the next lightning bolt to be thrown down at us. It’s been one piece of bad news after another, and we’re stuck (im)patiently riding out this wave of crappy luck. When it rains, it pours. Well, I’m tired and soaked.
As a fairly optimistic person, it takes a lot for me to get really negative in life. I’ve gone through a lot, and have seen too much, to let a few bad days bring me down. I always do my very best to lift everyone else’s spirits…reminding others of how beautiful life is, and that a smile and positive attitude can really go a long way. Sometimes I’m even told I’m “too positive”, but in today’s world, I think too much of a good thing is okay. Since I’m constantly trying to spread the happiness amongst others, it would make perfect sense for me to take my own advice when troubles come my way. And I think for the most part, I do a good job at that. But, once in awhile, you get knocked down so many times…you just want to throw up your hands and play dead. Sometimes, it’s okay to stay down.
Now, don’t be thinking you can stay there forever. Eventually you WILL get trampled by the next oncoming stampede of crap. But until then, lay there as long as you need to. And while you’re down there….cry. Cry a lot. Scream at the top of your lungs, throw (inexpensive/un breakable) things, punch something. Complain about the big stuff, but the small stuff too. Whine about how unfair life is. Curse the universe for the terrible hand of cards you’ve been dealt. It’s okay not to have it together all the time. You’re allowed to be in a bad mood. You can take time for yourself and shut out the world if you want to. It’s okay to think your life sucks for a little while…just as long as you remember that it’s temporary. Because like everything else – this too shall pass.
The other day, Shawn called me with yet MORE bad news he had just received. He vented to me and got it all out of his system, and I sat there and listened, while also trying to feed him words of reassurance and encouragement. After I hung up, I continued with my day and distracted myself with mommy duties. Over the next few hours, as I watched countless episodes of Paw Patrol and built skyscrapers out of Lego’s, I ignored this overwhelmingly painful feeling in my chest. I couldn’t shake it off no matter how busy I made myself. When he walked through the door that evening, he took one look at me and I melted. He watched as his “strong” wife, who had been trying so hard to keep her stress bottled up, crumbled into pieces. That constricting feeling in my chest slowly went away as I let my walls (and the tears) come down. I cried in his arms for what felt like hours, and then hated myself for it. Because our problems surely were not as bad as other people’s were at that exact moment. How could I posssibly cry my eyes out over our every day issues, when things could be so much worse? We were alive, we had a beautiful family, we were all healthy. Did I have the right to shed a tear?
Yes, I did. Because I’m human, and because sometimes, we need to let it out no matter how insignificant our problems may seem to the outside world. I think as long as you’re managaing your stress in a safe way, then you should do whatever you need to in order to maintain your sanity. In a society that’s filled with “perfection” behind every social media account, you’re left feeling guilty when you can’t shrug things off and snap back automatically. Once we get a house, I’m thinking of getting a punching bag. Nothing feels better than a good, hard punch to something that can’t hit you back. For now, I’m going to cry as much as I want to…because I’m strong enough to admit that I need to.
Advice from Mrs. Too Positive:
Scream until your throat is sore. Cry until your eyes are red. Let it out until you have nothing left. Then, wipe away your tears, throw a smile on, count your blessings, and stand back up.