Well, since I last posted…we gave thanks, ate some turkey, put up a tree, found the perfect Christmas presents…and I’ve wracked my brain on what to write about next. If you’ve kept up with my blog posts (no hard feelings if you haven’t), then you’ll know that I like to do a little bit of everything. Humor, personal life, motherhood, marriage…everything that makes me, me. If you’ve been a loyal reader, you’ll also know that this is my 10th post! Not a lot at all, I know…but give me a break. I’m not a celebrity who can just talk about the cereal I ate for breakfast this morning and suddenly have a million readers. No, I have to work for it. So if hitting the double digits is the best I can do for now, then it’s a good enough excuse to celebrate! I wanted to write something good for lucky #10, while also looking for the opportunity to share some exciting news with everyone. So, I figured this would be the perfect time.
The past few months, I’ve had some time to think…and I’ve realized that I have a lot to say, and don’t really know how/where to begin. So I thought I’d start here, and hopefully by the time I’m through sharing it with all of you, maybe I’ll be brave enough to commit to something bigger. You guys are okay with being my guinea pigs, right?
I’ve been struggling for years with inner demons; memories and thoughts that I want so desperately to rid myself of, but can never seem to. I want to open up and share my life, past and present, with anyone who is willing to listen. I want to help people, even if it’s just one person…and find a way to make myself heard in a world where I wouldn’t normally have a voice. But how can I do that? How can I speak my mind while also becoming an open book? Well….I write my own.
Yes…I’m writing a book!
That was scary just to type…but it’s true! This has been an idea of mine (along with every single person who has begged me to do it) for a really long time…but finally making the choice to officially start it has been both terrifying and thrilling all at once. I’ve told myself a million times what I would say, but have always been too afraid to put it down on paper. Because once it’s out there in the universe, where you can actually read it back to yourself…or worse-someone ELSE can read it…there’s no going back. I was never ready for that before. For a long time, I wasn’t ready to bare my soul and let other people know things that I spent such a long time hiding. To be honest, I don’t think I was ready to face it all…but I am now. I’m ready to tell my story. I need to. I think that by telling the world (and by world, I mean the very small group of people that will actually choose to read it), it will give everyone a better understanding of who I am. I want to explain what I’ve been through, what I’ve seen, and how I came to be this person I am today.
This is not a decision I made lightly. This process will be long and painful, but I also hope that it will be relieving and fulfilling. I’m going to allow my mind and heart to travel back in time to events that shaped my life…the good, the bad, and the ugly. It will be a stripped down, raw, honest look into my past…and I can only hope that while pushing myself to do this, I will somehow finally find a way to heal and be free.
Well, there it is! I’m sure some of you were probably hoping for something a little more juicy. Pregnant with twins, moving across the country, killed someone? Sorry if I disappointed you, but my life just isn’t that exciting. I’m really looking forward to doing something new, and although I have no idea how long it will take (months? years?) I already can’t wait to share it with all of you! I’m sure that I’ll be making some of the process public…especially those 2am nights when I have writers block and feel like throwing things. Until then, stay tuned for what’s to come next!
I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday. You’ll hear from me in the New Year!
P.S. To the ones who have read anything I’ve formerly written, actually wanted to keep reading, and believed in me enough to do something more with it…