As I lay here typing, my 14 month old is peacefully dreaming away. He’s cuddled up into me and making these adorable little noises that I can’t help but smile at. Our beautiful golden retriever, Lucy, is laying on my feet snoozing away as well. Our balcony door is open, letting in a cool breeze…and I’m catching up on my Netflix shows. Life couldn’t be better.
Okay, so maybe it could be a LITTLE better. This hibernating little dude has been sleeping on my left arm for 57 minutes….yeah, that’s right. If a 19lb rock was weighing down on one of your limbs, and a 50lb boulder was on the other, you’d be counting the time too. The “adorable noises” my child is making, are snores. Loud, congested, consistent snores. I’ve turned up the volume on the tv so many times, I’m convinced he’s secretly awake and doing it on purpose. Because my arm and legs are currently *cough cough* occupied, I can’t get up and close the door…which is now letting in the sound and smell of the landscapers mowing the lawn behind our apartment complex. I normally love the smell of fresh cut grass….but since I’ve been sneezing since March and constantly have a tissue attached to my nose, I’m not really in a “smell the roses, run in a meadow” kind of mood. Tomorrow is Mother’s Day and in preparation for guests, I have a to-do list that’s 2ft long. I’m mentally cringing at all the things I still have to check off. Dishes, laundry, dusting, food shopping…cleaning that damn glass window for the 4th time this week that Weston and Lucy just HAVE to take turns licking every day. I could go on and on. But instead, I stay where I am…listening to my not so soundless sleeping child, being pressed down into the couch by my dog…turning the tv higher and higher. Why? Because it can wait. The dishes will get done, the laundry will get folded, the groceries will be bought…the window will, for a short period of time, get cleaned…but our home will never have this day again. I will never experience this moment again. The feeling of knowing that this life is beautiful…and it’s mine. It puts everything into perspective. How good we have it and how blessed we are. How lucky some of us are to actually have things that are worth worrying about. I see so many people sweating the small stuff, that they never take a step back to look at the bigger picture and notice what they’ve been given. What’s the point of having so much to appreciate, if we’re not actually appreciating it?
Dont get me wrong, I complain. I complain all the time. I worry and get anxious, I get mad and stressed. I can’t stand waiting in long lines, I always have to have the last word in an argument, and god help you if you run into me when I’m HANGRY (hungry/angry.) I’m a human, and if you say you don’t do any of those things…just stop, because I can see your lying face from here. It’s okay to feel your emotions…it’s what you do with them that matters. Around the time I had West, I started realizing how much negative energy actually surrounds us in this world. I was the happiest I had ever been and no matter what came my way, nothing could wipe the smile from my face. However, outside of my blissful little bubble, the world was still cold and dark…and I get it. It’s a scary, unfair place to live in. I mean…Donald Trump might be our next president. On the bright side…I hear Canada is beautiful, eh? Despite that, everyone has something worth living for; their reason for waking up in the morning and being the best version of themself. Mine is my son…my job as a mother. What’s yours? Let your passion in life motivate you to smile more and and worry less. Maybe its your career or a spouse. Your kids or your beliefs. If you feel like you need an outlet to channel your optimism, pick up a hobby you enjoy and use it as relief. Whatever it is, let it be your guide to happiness. By acknowledging your appreciation for even the smallest things in your day, it can change your whole outlook on life…you’d be shocked. Out with the negative, in with the positive. Breathe in…and breathe out. I know, I know…I sound like a walking mantra, but I swear it works. Go on, try it ! If that’s not for you, I have another suggestion. My husband and I have a little tradition that we started as our New Years resolution…and have stuck with it since day one. Every night when we sit down for dinner, we each say one thing that we’re thankful for. Sometimes they sound repetitive and most nights, we’re saying it with forkfuls of food in our mouths…but the point is, we make sure we never forget to do it…because in hard times, on bad days, it’s so easy to forget how lucky we are. If you can come up with just one thing at the end of your day that makes you say “thank you”, then your glass is already looking a bit more full.
My son awakens my positive spirit on a daily basis. If there’s one thing I’ve learned since becoming a mom, it’s to enjoy everything. Every…little…second…of every…single…day. Everyone tells you how fast time flies, but you never truly understand it until your sitting in your child’s room, packing up their old clothes that don’t fit…and crying like the newborn baby you wish you still had. Quick story time: I had the most wonderful moment last week with my little man. He was so sick, exhausted and miserable. I decided to take a nice warm bath with him, in hopes that his fever would go down and he would relax a little bit. My happy, energetic little ray of sunshine was gone. I felt terrible for him. I cradled him in my arms and fed him as much as he wanted (the boob can make anything better!) I looked down a few minutes later and I was so overwhelmed with emotions. He was staring up at me- just staring- like I was the only person in the world that he needed. I knew right then and there that I shouldn’t feel helpless, because I was doing exactly what I should be…and that it would be alright. We sat there for a long time, just me and him. We let the warm water wash over us and let the silence take over. He twirled pieces of my hair between his tiny fingers as I spoke to him in whispers, and we smiled at each other and communicated in our own little language. I let him know that I was there and we would get through it together. It was something I will never forget. I live and breathe for him and these memories we’re able to make together. And although my path in life has taken me both places I’ve loved and places I never want to see again, it led me here…and all I can do is thank the universe.
Eeeeeeeek, sometimes I’m so happy, I could burst! And while plenty of people might want to punch me in the face for being “too happy”, that’s okay…because in a world full of grey, I choose to be a bright yellow! I actually hate the color yellow, but you get what I’m saying.
Well, the good news is that my writers block is gone. The bad news is that I have used up the remainder of my “free time” minutes, and mini Hitler has risen from his nap. He’s already making his demands, and I have a list with my name on it. It’s time to get up and enter the madness again! And you know what? I can’t wait. Thanks for reading! Remember…enjoy the moments…and beh happy.
Hey, at least I finally got a chance to clean the window! Oh, it’s so pretty and squeaky clea………
…..Ugh, never mind. Where’s the windex?
The Healing Mom Project 