Right now, I’m laying in a toddler bed while my son sleeps curled up next to me. I repeat, I’m in a TODDLER bed. Yes, we made the transition this week from co-sleeping to a big boy bed…and mommy is heartbroken! Oh, it’s not about me? How is Weston handling it, you ask? He’s loving it. He feels like a grown up being able to get in and out as he pleases, and is so thankful we’re not treating him like a baby anymore. How dare we! Last night, he couldn’t wait to grab his favorite books, climb into bed (all by himself) and cuddle up with me and his stuffed dog. Our nighttime routine is his favorite, but he was extra excited this time. He fell asleep right away, slept for a few hours, woke up and realized I wasn’t there, and demanded that I get back in bed with him. Well guys, if you’ve ever slept in a transitional bed (crib – toddler – youth) you’ll know that they’re not the roomiest things. So sleep and I have been distant friends lately…unlike my chiropractor, who’s going to be getting a phone call this week. I think we have a long road ahead, and we’re nowhere near being able to say “goodnight buddy!” and walk out of the room…and that’s okay. He still needs me for feeding and some serious mama/baby cuddling, and I am secretly so happy about that. Knowing that he still needs me and wants me there is the one strand of happiness keeping me from being super depressed about all this “newness” happening. I’m glad that although he’s embracing these new changes and is being my little trooper, he’s still not completely ready yet…because I’m sure as hell not. There is no way I can have a toddler…in his own bed. It’s just not possible. Why don’t they warn you about how emotionally hard this is in all those great parenting books?! Here I thought that I would have to soothe a crying child to sleep…but I think I’ll be the one stuck awake and sobbing tonight.
I don’t regret co-sleeping at all. In fact, I loved it. I’m so sad that he has outgrown the little space he’s given to lay between my husband and I. If I’m being completely honest…I love my hubby to death…but I’ve considered (several times) asking him to move out of our bedroom so me and my little bub can have it all to ourselves! If someone has to go, big strong daddy can take one for the team, can’t he? But I guess it’s his room too…*eye roll*…so here we are. I think once we buy a house, my first act of duty will be to get the BIGGEST king sized bed you’ve ever seen…large enough for the 3 of us, our dog, and any other kids/pups that join us in the future. And if Shawn has a problem with that….well, my second act of duty will be to get a really comfortable new couch for him.
Sleeping next to my son every night has been such a bonding experience, and I wouldn’t have traded a single night. You will always hear people judging it, saying it creates bad habits and once you put them in your bed, you’ll never get them out. BLAH, BLAH, BLAH. Those people can shut up, because they have no idea what they’re missing. What they don’t talk about are the first 3 months of sleepless nights, when your newborn is up every 2 hours and you can barely keep your eyes open…and rolling over to breastfeed is the only thing saving your sanity. They don’t talk about the bond you experience with your new child when all they want is your comfort, and you’re right at arms length to give it to them. They don’t say that sometimes, you just want to be close to them…just because you’re so in love with this beautiful thing you created. You want to smell them, feel them in your arms, embrace every cuddle and hear every little noise they make. Sometimes I simply just lay staring at his perfect little face, watching his chest rise and fall as he dreams peacefully. I began with him sleeping beside me for convenience…but 19 months later, it was just for love.
For now, I’m soaking up every single snuggle I can…like right now, for instance. He just woke up, and I could totally carry him back into his room…ORRRR I could wrap my arms around him, give him the only comfort he desires, and go to sleep knowing that we’re both happy. I bet you can guess which one I’m going to choose.
2 minutes later: Damn, this kid smells good.
If snuggling up to a warm, lavender scented cuddle bug every night is wrong….then I don’t want to be right! Goodnight, world!
The Healing Mom Project 